B-DAY

When I was a teenager I loved it when people told me I looked older.  I relished it.  Getting older was the sign of something then.  A sign that you were equipped to handle the stuff grown ups did.  Of course the grown-up stuff was mostly sex and in truth the only thing I was equipped with was a nice size bra cup.

By youth is fickle and pretty soon life has its way with us.  School, jobs, child-birth, children and the trials and tribulations of real grown-up life age you inside and out.

"You're only as old as you feel"

Well, lately I have been feeling it.  Mostly because of recent life changes, but also because of physical ones.  My oldest has lived on her own for quite some time now, and the middle one has gone off to school.  And then there was one.

And, can I mention...my back hurts.  Like every day. And I look in the mirror and I see the scars age has left.

But the alternative isn't all that great is it?

My mother died when I was an infant.  She was 22.  I have now lived 26 years longer, been married 25 years longer and had three times as many children as she did.  

For this I am grateful.

For the other things...well I am still learning. Learning who I am, who I am to become and how to cope with the dreams that I have left on the side of the road.

So with these things in mind, I am going to attempt a year of change.  Going to write a list of things I want to address not because I have to do it but because I want to do it.

And that is the project.  To make 48 a great year.